~ A morning reflection following a conversation with my son Jude ~
“STORMS” Jude exclaimed
“no they aren’t storms bud, those are just clouds, see all the light around them? They aren’t very dark or heavy like storm clouds are they?”
“oooo pretty daddy,” he replied with wonder
it was a beautiful sunrise this morning and the clouds had this beautiful colorful light on their tops, and there is now a blue sky behind their gray.
so I thought I’d write a cliche note about that
My life is full of patches of gray, but not all of those clouds blocking the light are storms there to wield violence. They are simply rolling in, bringing with them different waves of the day. They are part of my sky, but not all of it. There is always light no matter how many clouds there are. Right? somewhere back there the sun shines. the stars and the moon. they all have a real permanence that I depend on
I don’t necessarily have to see them at all times. and I can even appreciate some clouds i suppose. and let them pass and accept their presence
with storm clouds that’s much more difficult. I mean in real life I share Jude’s enthusiasm for storms and their terrible magnificence. but in the eye of my mind, I’m fearful of storms of life. I don’t trust in the Christ who said a word to calm the storms. not lately at least
I don’t forsee stillness, I don’t rest on that boat like he did. I’m looking at the light in the clouds right now and, since I’m not naturally an optimistic individual, I’m sure it will be drowned again
I think of my life and friendships I’m making. I’m fearful of being abandoned. I see the light in people, the unfailing kindness. then I remember those I loved and trusted most. and most of them abandoned me or hurt me severely. some didn’t. so there’s light there. there’s also chaos in the sky.
how do I accept both in predicting what will come? I want to know how I remain calm and still, not expecting only chaos or light. but letting it happen. having wonder for all of life. soaking it up like my son. not getting too afraid, but being wise in navigating my way through friendships and the messiness of people
and lastly I wonder how do I accept that I am part of that light? just like all people I was made with an ability to be good. to enjoy and to live fully. I’ve got to have some hope and let a little light in, even if there are clouds in my sky.
it’s part of it all, right?